I decided to do a very scientific analysis using The Belgradist proprietary data.
Dorćol: You were always liked and respected because you worked hard to be. However when you are best when you let cracks show a bit in your façade
Belgrade waterfront: You love provoking others as you like to think you see a bit further than them and are a lot more ambitious. You do not fear the Serbian tall poppy syndrome but you take it too far. Drama helps you feel alive as it draws people to you
Ušće: You like order and like to be left alone. That is not because you dislike others, but because Belgraders’ cynicism strains your optimism and altruism as you really think you can make the world a bit better
New cemetery/Dunav promenade: You are an aesthete first and foremost. Some people think that is shallow and cold, but you understand that aesthetics is superior to ethics and they beauty will save the world – like Stoja or whoever said
Banovo brdo: As Brdo is Belgrade’s California, you use your charm and sunny disposition to surf through life, enjoying its good sides and understanding the bad will pass
Neimar: You think of yourself as a pre-war aristocrat who haunts a crumbling villa, thinking they have to live certain way, different from modern style, while new developments are chipping away at your world. But rather than despair, you have a Lampedusian attitude. You mumble “Everything has to change to stay the same” as you enter Voulez Vous for a cappuccino
Žarkovo: Much like Rio de Žarkovo you are a laid back and fun person, but there is a sense of vibrancy and energy that makes you irresistible and unstoppable
Cerak Vinogradi: While you like to appear edgy, you are first and foremost an orderly person, and are even a bit stubborn with people who have opposing views. Still people like you because you are dependable
Topčider: You have a nostalgic bend. When not blasting Taylor Swift’s Red, you are humming Ceca’s “Idi dok si mlad” thinking of all the long gone days of youth and all the trysts below the tall trees of Topčider park
Galenika: While people overlook you and take you for granted, you are secretly planning a global takeover, starting with the Srem part of Belgrade. Galenika will use its tech tradition and proximity to all major transport systems to force them into compliance!
Palilula: Much like Palilula is spanning two banks of the Danube, you, as Emerson would say “contain multitudes”. You are both at ease getting drunk on Vinjak at Tašmajdan and eating like a royal in BSK Borča, and love to spread love. A true cosmopolitan
Karaburma: Your hardy exterior hides a gentle soul, but you are not mawkish. Much like Karaburma’s Aca Lukas, you want to see the whole world even it may destory you. But you’ll be able to tell it to your friends in Vidovdan
Great war island: Much like the Great War island you are a dark force of nature: sometimes letting people close to you, sometimes submerged below strong streams of the Sava and the Danube. Top right on the hot/psycho diagram
Stari grad/Kopitareva gradina/Palmotićeva: Stuck between boisterous Vračar and wannabe Bohemian Dorćol you have a middle kid complex. Some even think you are crazy, but it’s not you, it’s them. Keep rocking
Zvezdara: While you like to present yourself as a zany romantic, gazing at the stars, you are as wild as the Zvezdara forest and as complicated as the streets of Konjarnik
Gardoš: Hopeless romantic you are stuck in the past. Go out more and check out the real Zemun around Prvomajska to see what life can offer
Zemun: If you are from Zemun/live in Zemun your karmic goal in this life is understanding that being from Zemun is not a substitute for personality. If you are not from Zemun, then you are a person of exquisite taste who knows finer things in life
Blokovi: A bit like Zemun, if you are from Blokovi your karmic path in this life is that you have to realise that being from Blokovi is not a substitute for a personality. If you are not, however, you are a hipster void, which will like whatever is popular on the ‘gram
Donji Dorćol: You think you like authenticity but you just like profiting off the IT boom. Nevertheless you have the heart of gold
Senjak: People say that you think you are above it all, but you are above it all
Profesorska Kolonija: An unrepentant teacher’s pet, you own your nerdiness and gaucheness. Keep being a nerd – you will go far in academia and IT
Avala: You enjoy long drives in the country and nature. But you main passion is being on top of things
Palas: You like the abject Red Scare/Charli XCX aesthetics but you still go to Belgrade Fashion week and clap like a seal to whatever is there. But you’re ok, as a person, I guess
Stari Košutnjak: You have an energy of an UDBA pensioner even if you are actually a zoomer. You know things and you love to tell them, quietly, over an affordable game dish at Srbijašume, while glancing over your shoulder
Zerek: You are still traumatised from the time your grandparents took you to the Philharmonic at the age of 4 and have suffered brain damage from old lady perfume there. One symptom is that whenever somebody says Dorćol you have to explain that technically the part above Dušanova is Zerek ackshually. There is hope
Marinkova bara: Hard working and street-smart, you know how to charm people who can see below the surface, but are hated by snobs – but you kinda like that
Rakovica: You were raised by people who thought hard work pays off but now you realise that you were lied to. Rather than give up, you uphold you values and are studry as a rock. Good things are coming your way
Kalenić: You think you like “authenticity” but you just like being able to pay top dollar for produce. Try paying for fewer drinks ro your friends in Kalenic and see who sticks around
Vračar: A fellow Montenegrin, I see. Well you are the best, know the best and do the best.
Mirijevo: You have your own group of friends to whom you are loyal and like them as they are. You are also a bit of a homebody, and while people occasionally try to change you, they finally agree to let you be
Medak: You are hyper-socialised and know how to get the upper hand in any situation. Some people think you are a manipulative, but that’s simply because they don’t understand how things work on the mean streets of Belgrade…
Lisičiji potok: A friend to all is a friend to none. Your foxy ways may help you stay a friend to all in power but do not expect people to like you